STEAM ENGINE HUMOURSteam engine humour chat up lines ....
WHAT HE SAYS...... We're going away on a dirty weekend.
Time to get hot & steamy.
Meet me in the field & I'll show you my organ.
Bring an oil can and a dirty rag.
Shovel some more coal on the fire.
Come & listen to the drums banging on on my Gavioli all day long.
A weekend on the Orient Express could be just the thing.
Little Jimmy & his dad were at the fair watching the Steam Engine.Little Jimmy looked up at his dad & said;" When I grow up dad, I want to be a Steam Engine Driver."His dad gave him a wry smile & said;" Well I don't think it's possible to do both son."
whose Fowler would only take gin
It chuffed & it hissed
the steam came out p....d,
& the firebox developed a grin!
In 1880, two steamships, one painted red & one painted blue, collided.
It was reported that the passengers were marooned.
On his way home on his Traction Engine from the Cornish Steam Rally, Denzil had to cross the Tamar bridge. Having partaken of a little too much scrumpy in the beer tent, he misjudged the bridge entrance and completely demolished the toll booth. Hardly had he climbed down from the engine when a team of men, each armed with gigantic tubes and brushes descended on the broken bits and started to squeeze the white paste from the tubes around the edges of all the pieces of wood and glass and concrete and within the hour had completely re-assembled the building. "Cor blimey" said Denzil, "What sort of glue can fix a mess like that so quick then?" The foreman gave him a weary look.
" What d'ya think we use? Tollgate Boothpaste of course."
At the steam rally, a skinny little man called Percy chugging along on a weary looking 1/4 scale traction engine, entered the tree pulling contest alongside 5 great big working traction engines. Each engine had to winch down as many trees around a field as they could in 5 minutes. The whistle blew & off they went, when the time was up, each driver lined up alongside his steam engine & awaited the results. They had all only managed to pull down two trees each except for Percy who had managed a grand total of five. When he went to collect his trophy, they asked him how it was possible for a small man & engine to achieve such a feat? "Easy" he replied, "I got loads of practice working in the Sahara Forest." "Surely you mean the Sahara Desert?" they asked.
" Ah, that's what it used to be called." said Percy.
In the days of the cold war with the Soviet Union, it was understood that there would only be a four minute warning of a nuclear attack. This prompted a serious discussion at the local Steam fair, when one engine driver asked the other;"What would you do Bert if you heard the siren & thought you only had four minutes left on this earth?"Bert grinned and replied;"I'd grab the missus and make mad passionate love to her, that's what I'd do.""I see," said his mate"and what would you do for the other three minutes, polish your engine?"
Come Easter each year, Old Bert gives a cheer, 'cause "STEAM UP's" about to begin,for Dora, his wife, the love of his life, her patience will be wearing thin.
As Bert dons his "Blues", & his toetector shoes, and digs out his old oily rag; Poor Dora just sighs, & with glazed over eyes, she picks up her big knitting bag.
They're off to the fair, all the engines are there, & it's only the first of the season,He'll polish his brass, till it's gleaming like glass, & Dora can't fathom the reason.
He'll shovel the coal, down the big firey hole, & blow on his whistle all day,his 'oppos abound, & they each make the sound of little boys all out to play;
& Dora will sit, all day she will knit, whilst Bert & his mates let off steam,& he'll twiddle & tweak, and inspect every leak, till his engine ticks over a dream;
At the end of the day, with the knitting away, it's the end of the very first show,now Bert will prepare for his next Steam fair,and only two dozen to go!
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WHAT HE MEANS.......
